Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
