You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
