Just fell off a train. Bad.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
