Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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