you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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