my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
