I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
