i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
