He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
