dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
