You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
