she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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