Please, let me fuck your mom
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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