i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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