Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
