My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.