i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?