Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left