First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
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But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.