Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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