If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
