if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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