no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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