my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
