I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
