im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is it because I queefed?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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