This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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