Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
