I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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