You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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