so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
