If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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