I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
