Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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