I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
