are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
