My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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