I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
