Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize