Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i barfeds in our rink
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
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Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
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Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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