Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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