Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
