btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
