I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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