im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
