I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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