I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
