i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
