bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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