I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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