how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
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I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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