I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
