in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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