I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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