you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
