there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
