normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
