He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize