so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
