I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
