My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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