i permit you to call me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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