Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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