After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
