RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
All the doctor said was why
Randomize