i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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