Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
