He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
