Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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