This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
