My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
