Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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