so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think I just sharted jello shots
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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