i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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