she was so not down for the gang bang
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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