hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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